Narcissistic Hypersexuality– Healing from Betrayal Trauma

With Wendy T. Behary

Wendy is a go to expert when it comes to working with narcissists and those who live with or love them. In this interview we discuss narcissism, a narcissists relationship to their own trauma and the trauma they cause, narcissistic hypersexuality and its impact on the spouse, especially when betrayal trauma occurs. Wendy also talks about how to navigate the tender family dynamics when children are involved and potentially impacted.

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About Wendy T. Behary

Wendy Behary is the founder and director of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and The Schema Therapy Institutes of NJ-NYC-DC. She has been treating clients, training professionals and supervising psychotherapists for 25+ years. Wendy has a specialty in treating narcissists and the people who live with and deal with them. She receives consistent high praise for her clear and articulate teaching style and her ability to bring the therapy to life through dramatic demonstrations of client interactions in the treatment room. She is the author of an international bestselling book, “Disarming the Narcissist…”  (New Harbinger, 2nd edition) translated in 12 languages.

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29 Comments

  1. Elizabeth A Marshall

    Wendy,
    Thank you so much for this very insightful talk. This is the first time that I have heard such an accurate account, dicription? of the extremely complicated and confusing relationship with an intimate partner who is a narcissist.
    I am very interested in hearing more about the healing for the partner of a narcissist.
    The timing for this series is right on track for me. I have taught hatha yoga for 20+ years and worked with survivors of intimate partner violence. Although I live in NYC I have just begun training with the Center for Trauma and Embodiment in Boston to be certified as a TCTSY therapist.
    I’d like your thoughts on the usefulness of trauma sentive yoga in healing both the narcissist and the survivor/partner/child.

    With Appreciation,

    Reply
    • Wendy Behary

      Thank you, Elizabeth…

      Best wishes with your certification and the work you do.
      I have found mindful practices (like hatha yoga) can be so valuable, alongside schema therapy, for identifying activating conditions, triggers, and the residence of those schemas in the body/mind. It can also serve to help with regulating impulses and allowing for adaptive responses to replace self-defeating ones. Thank you for taking the time to share your kind feedback… Wendy

      Reply
      • Lezlie

        This was so perfectly timed for my current situation. I was married for 22 years to a narcissist divorced for 11 years and 4 years ago remarried him. Trauma bonding for sure. At this time I am leaving for my life and sanity a second time. To forgive myself for reentering such a toxic relationship is very near impossible.
        The gas lighting and stonewalling has made it easier for my resolve. To understand the deep physiological abuse from being in a relationship with this type of person is almost impossible for most people to understand. It is a very destructive existence. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and knowledge about this mind twisting and abusive personality trait. God help us all.

        Reply
  2. elisabeth

    This hits home as ive grew up with narcissists. And not just parents, but siblings as well. I was youngest. Im pushing 60 now & vowed about 11 or 12 to never marry or have kids as i thought what i experienced was what would arise. Being wiht my parents was like not being seem—their rule was children should be seen & not heard… good was not good enough, bad meant upsetting someone (parent, sibling). It was never safe. And if harmed i had to prove it (if a sibling—if by dad, mom denied it…) if outside of the home no one wanted to hear about it. No one stood up to dad, and even right before he died, barely able to breathe, dad told me he was sorry but he got away with it his whole life… which he only said to me, i believe, because within a few months of his death i reacted to his abuse yelling “You will not speak to me like that!” My mom never did. The most messed up sibling tried but it was too early & in the wrong way. I feel only by joining a. Religion was i able to battle my own such tendencies as everyone else in the family, tho that group wound up being as abusive as my family after a while. Because of my determination, tho, i was able to empathize with and therefore let go of my dad’s abuse and forgive him by the time he died. It didnt erase the damage but (being well trained!) i take that as my own, my challenge now. Then the narc siblings attacked. Now i have no family. I think i lost the first part—too long a comment? No i have the work of healing to do in the last ¼ or ⅓ of my life… Its so helpful to hear about narcs & with empathy here, which is rare. They were damaged somehow! Thanks so much for this interview!

    Reply
    • Wendy Behary

      Thank you for sharing your story and your thoughtful comments, Elisabeth.
      Wishing you the very best… Wendy

      Reply
  3. Susanne Tuyukaw Fischer

    So fantastic. I got So many answers for me and my relationship . Thank you so much, both

    Reply
    • Wendy Behary

      I am so glad to know, Susanne!
      Thank you… With my best wishes, Wendy

      Reply
    • Richa Badami

      Dear Susanne, I am so glad that this was so helpful to you and will serve you on your journey. You are so welcome!

      Reply
  4. MaryKatheryn Freeman

    Thank you – I appreciated what you said and feel Like I am finally on the right track to healing. Your work is critical – thank you so much!!

    Reply
    • Wendy Behary

      Good for you, MaryKatheryn!
      Thank you for letting me know…
      Wishing you the best,
      Wendy

      Reply
    • Richa Badami

      Yes yes yes! This is such critical work, and way too many women (and men) feel alone on this journey. I am so glad that we were able to have Wendy on this show. Such important education.

      Reply
  5. Ally

    Wow, I’m speechless. Thank you, for your time, for your insight. So many takeaways. Thank you

    Reply
    • Wendy Behary

      Thank you, Ally…
      I really appreciate your comments. So happy to know this was helpful to you.

      With my best wishes,
      Wendy

      Reply
    • Richa Badami

      Exactly! I felt like that too, and since I was the one interviewing, wasn’t making notes, haha! I had to watch it back again to “listen” to all her wisdom again! So glad you received many takeaways.

      Reply
  6. Jackie Patterson

    I am about to enter the divorce process with my narcissist of 30 years. I had not heard of attorneys that specialize in dealing with a narcissistic personality. How do you find attorneys that specialize in that field?

    Reply
    • Wendy Behary

      Hi Jackie,

      There are lawyers who actually state this on their websites.
      Just type “Divorce Attorneys who Specialize in Narcissism” into your browser.
      Please feel free to email me with your location, and I can see if I have anyone to recommend in your area.

      With my best wishes…
      Wendy

      Reply
    • Richa Badami

      Hi Jackie, thank you for your comment and question. Please feel free to contact Wendy, like she mentions in her comment. Wishing you strength and courage as you navigate the next steps of your journey. Much love to you.

      Reply
  7. Ellen

    Wow! I am learning so much and have so much more to learn! Dealing with trauma is difficult- I guess the first step is recognizing it to begin the healing process. Thanks you!

    Reply
    • Wendy Behary

      So happy to hear that this was helpful to you, Ellen.
      Thank you for taking the time to share your message.
      Yes, first step to healing is to recognize the trauma and embrace your vulnerable self with patience and compassion.

      Warmest Wishes,
      Wendy

      Reply
    • Richa Badami

      Hi Ellen! Yes, so well said. It is a journey. My goal has always been to stay on the journey, and with self-love and compassion, let the healing process do it’s “thing”! It works!! 🙂

      Reply
  8. Tina Shekinah

    Such a wise balanced gentle yet fierce and clear sharing.
    Thank you both.
    An other benefit was Wendy’s calm voice soothed My nervous system.
    💞🌸🌿

    Reply
    • Richa Badami

      Oh Tina!!! Thank you so much for your comment. I feel the same way. Not only does Wendy share such incredible wisdom, her calm voice and demeanor are so soothing and affirming.

      Reply
  9. Wendy Behary

    Thank You so much, Tina and Richa!
    So appreciative of your kind feedback, and knowing this has been helpful…

    Warmest Wishes,
    Wendy

    Reply
  10. Angelika

    Dear Wendy, dear Richa,
    wow. This was so insightful. This work iss so important. Thank you so much.

    Reply
    • Wendy Behary

      Thank You, Angelika!

      I really appreciate you for taking the time to let us know this was helpful to you.

      Wishing you the very best!
      Wendy

      Reply
  11. Katherine Henry

    Dear Wendy,
    I am so grateful. Your interview with Richa was truly God Sent. I have been married for 30 years to an oversexed narcissist man for 30 years. He has currently left the home and living with another woman who he says makes him feel good. My prayer is to help him heal so we can restore this marriage. Would you be able to help him? We live in middle Georgia. Would it
    possible for you to counsel him over Zoom or could you recommend someone in our area?
    Would you be willing to help us? The last sixteen years has been the worst for our entire family.
    Thank you for any feedback.
    Thank you! This

    Reply
    • Wendy Behary

      Dear Katherine,

      Thank you for your thoughtful message. I am so very sorry for all of the emotional distress you are dealing with.
      Please feel free to email me and we can discuss options for healing…
      wendy.behary@gmail.com

      With my best,
      Wendy

      Reply
  12. Jen

    Wendy,
    It seemed as if you were speaking directly to me. It was eerie how you seemed to have had a window into my life. I have been married to an oversexed narcissist for 29 years who triggered PTSD for me last year. I have issues of trust/feeling safe with him around as I suffer panic attacks in his presence and he just looks at me and asks what’s my problem. I’m really struggling with what my future holds, but I am encouraged so much by this session. Thank you so much for making me feel like I’m ok and not crazy like he tells me I am.

    Reply
    • Richa Badami

      Hi Jen, you are not crazy, absolutely not. Have you read Wendy’s book, Disarming the Narcissist?

      Reply

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